i m frustrated ....

nt even 2 weeks... there sad faces around , i duno wad to do , but i had tried my best , bcs of u , i hide my feelings , i never show sadness to u , i never show anger to u , bt u had kept scolding me , n u kept doubting me , pls... i hope 1 day u could ask, i hope 1 day u could know , theres oways little little words tat u say hurts my feelings , u r wif me now ,nt others , i knw u r afraid , i m more afraid , bcs i made promises , promises nt oni to u , bt to ur best fwens , wad if 1 day i cant take it anymore , i think the whole world will hate me , all bcs u r the gud guy... all bcs to every1 , u r tat great ... but to me u r the bad guy , u oways hurt me , i duno y , u could say u love me , bt to me , tats jz words , if u couldnt do it frm ur heart , pls dun tell me tat ...when i m nt feelin well , do u kept asking am i okay ?? even fwens tat i dun reali knw , will ask me evryday , do i feel better , bt u never do tat , when i told u i dun feel well , all u do is scold me about ur family stuffs , scold me about the past tat i have , the past is the past , dont u understand ?? i never wanted to tell u my past , i knw u will doubt me , i knw... bt u make it say it , u make it , i cried , did u knw?? no one ever make me says stuffs , n when i say it , u didnt thank me for saying , u scold me for my past , scold me for having such a past , n everyday u suspect me even more , u r nt the CSI or anytin u knw? i hated to live in such life , everyday the same thing , ENUFF ALREADY... i m tired , she said sry to me bcs of she done smtg wrong , she trusted u , bt seems tat v saw the wrong person in u , u told me i can stil give up if i want ,even tough its jz words , bt i cried , i tried so hard n u told me tis , u scold me for nt having much time.... n everytime u boss me around , if u wan a maid , hire a maid ... i m nt ur maid... pls note tat .. u r oways asking me to do tis n tat ... sry , bt i hate tat...
如果一个男人真的爱你，他会让你开心快乐，舍不得让你流泪。。。
when i saw tis , i tought of u again , when i told u , i cried , all u say was sry...
如果一个男人真的爱你，他的手机会24小时为你开机，随时随地让你找到他。。。
u oways leave ur fon somewer... u never cared..
its jz tat i duno wad to do anymore ... to fwens , i oways show hapiness , show tat i m hapi wif u ... bt deep down i m nt even hapi , my smile doesnt feel real anymore.... i have to be a bad person , to make u a gud guy infront of ppl... oni my best fwen knw , how much u did hurt me , how much u didnt knw , how much i did try , ur fwens says tat u changed , n wad did u changed ?? so many ppl side u , bt they never knew hu was the 1 tat did wrong , they never knew ... bcs to them , i m oways wrong.. i felt having much pressure wif u , i oways slept wif a bad dream , i dreamt tat ur parents scolded me , scolded me of changing u into a bd person , changing u into some1 ur parents do nt like , i dreamt tat , i m scared ... half is happening now , wad if it reali comes true ? wad will i do?? i m scared... reali scared... wad could i do?

我不是碰不到更好的，而是因为已经有了你，我不想再碰到更好的！

我不是不会对别人动心，而是因为已经有了你，我就觉得没必要再对其他人动心！

我不是不会爱上别的人，而是我更加懂得珍惜你，能在一起不容易，已经选定的人就不要随便放手！

世界上的好人数不清，但遇到你就已经足够！

即使你不是最好的，甚至不是最适合我的，但却是我最珍惜的！

缺点可以改正，性格可以磨合，但机会失去了就再也没有了！

有人说：爱，是一种责任！

现在我才明白，原来责任，就是一辈子！

wo xi wang wo neng jian ci dao di , xi wang ni bu hui rang wo gai bian xin yi

bck for blogging... (MY PAST N MY LIFE)

sry for nt updating... bt i m bck now...
evry1 hav a past , i hav a very unsual past , smtg tat makes me rmb evrything so clearly...
y humans oways jze rmb sad things more than hapi stuffs?? most of our brain rmb past tat hurts us , bt memories of happiness is jz like a pinch of salt , so hard to rmb evrything?? frm my past , i learn alot.... i fell down alot of times , but now tis group of fwens , help me stand up , make me a better person , i love them alot ... in tis year , things happens very usually , i duno how or y ?? GOD took my beloved dog away frm me... i miz her still.. evrytime ppl talk about her , i stil put a smile on my face thinking u all wouldnt hurt me.. but everytime APRIL comes into my mind... all the scene of me n her shows clearly in my mind... i try nt to think bt sometimes , i would call BABY as APRIL... tis hows clearly i made baby as April's shadow , i didnt knw y april hav to leave me so early , bt mayb she gav me a better gift , tat is baby... things happend so dwen... is like life has been plan, is like baby is meant for me...
after all tis sadness , there r also happiness... my birthday... its the best bday i ever had... i was quite dissapointed at 1st , bcs evry bluff me tat they wouldnt cum , bt it was actually a surprise party , n more surprisingly , evry of my fwen came , even those hu arent so close , when i saw her, i was shocked , i dint knw she would came, v hav bad n gud memories , bt seems like v couldnt go bck to the past like v were so close like b4... it isnt the same... when i saw her , words cant describe how i feel... it shows tat , v r stil fwens , even after a big war... i m hapi tat she came , bt i didnt knw how to express myself , i m jz very very hapi...jz a simply card she gav , makes me smile so brightly tat day... n also very hapi tat my fwens make a big effort to throw a birthday party which was so amazing... every presents shows how much they loved me... evry presents they gave me has alot of effort inside ... i jz love them sooooo much....
so after all tis happend , bck to sadness... there so much tat i couldnt jz say out , i never express myself... but when all tis sadness happend , i found u , u came into my life... u felt so dwen , u make me hapi , nt jz hapi , u make me changed , u made me learned how to love myself even more ,n love ppl hu love very much... u taught me alot... even tough its hard tat u dun even knw hu i am , bt i will try hard , bcs i will try nt to hurt u... i couldnt bare to hurt u... bt things gets more n more complicated, fwens are jealous , hurt , sad... i jz duno wad to do , i try hard to please every1 , bt i m tired ... i jz want myself to be hapi , bt i jz cant do it ... i wan every1 to be hapi , bt when do tat , i hurt myself even more... i jz duno wad to do , mayb bcs i love them so much , tat i can hurt myself for them... i reali work very very hard , bt things r jz same... i jz duno y , n how?? n u , my beloved , dont even knw wad i m facing rite now , i jz wish he knew , i jz wish u would care for me even more , bt all he ask is jz more time for him , n more love n more words frm me... tats nt wad i wan... i jz wish some1 would knw.... i jz wish u would try to understand me more... i dun blame u... i will try hard...

to malacca ... 27/11

i slept very late tat nite coz of feli's dance performnace n everything on 26th , so when i reach home is almost 12, n bath n everything , pack my things is almost 3 ad... n i hav to wake up at 5... so woke up and had a milo n hugged my fatty dog bye bye... n went off.. of coz i slept ... haha.. but v stopped half way i duno wer ... i had half of a waffle ... coz i stil wanted to sleep, no appetite to eat.. n tat time i found out i sprain my leg bcs duno how i carry my fatty dog on the steps... it hurt earlier... but coz i m sleepin so it didnt hurt much... n the journey to malcca is so long... without stretching.... it became more pain.. wuwuwu... it even bengkak... so when i reached the hotel is almost evenin...

tis is d beach wer v saw a man catching cacing... so uncle n eu tried catching... haha
n so aftertat v went to jonker street....
n then v went to eat chendol n lasak... so nice....


it will b a pasar malam after 6.. n there is alot of things to see.. imagine all the old buildings beside n the pasar malam outside ... haha... very different.. n all the way walkin... i was like being a cacat person la... the right leg was so damn pain... even puting medicine tat time doesnt works at all... but haiz... so long time oni can come out with family n my childhood fwens family... so jz tahan la... n then aftertat v went to eat satay celuk...

is smtg like lok lok , but inside it is satay sos... its ok... but i dun reali like it la... all sos d.. but my bro like it alot... coz he is a sos person... n aftertat v went to a mall.. i heard my fwen say is d best mall in malacca but its quite small.. n traffic jams... when v reach there... its almost closing time.. so me , bro , eu v wanted to sit the taming sari thing... so our fathers aso accompanied us...its nt so high as i imagine it will b...
i love the look of the eye of malaysia... so beautiful...

so our mothers went to buy some groceries la... for nite... in case v r hungry... n aso bought the sanoplast or smtg duno wad u call it for my leg... but they dun hav the yoko yoko thing... so v went to the 7-eleven near the hotel...so after finish buying the yoko yoko thing , n once v turn out frm the shop there... there is a stall selling durians n lemang.. v all teenagers were like.. pls... lets go bck to the hotel ad... but all d parents went dwn.. so they wanted us to go down too... but the durian was so damn nice la... even aunty bee who cant reali eat anymore... once she tried it.. she jz kept eating... n the lemang nxt door is so soft... n such a small world... d selling lemang guy comes frm my dad hometown... he was so nice... n he even gave us a free 1 too... haha... so eu was keep attacking the lemang... he is such a gud lemang eater... so aftertat bck to the hotel...n v went to the beach... its so windy there... nice.. n then bck to the hotel to bath n sleep... tats all for today....

the 2nd day ... 28th...

v woke up about 9 i think or 8 sumtin.. i dun reali rmb.. so v all bath n everything n went down to hav our hotel breakfast.. the hotel breakfast is so nice leh... so much of varieties... hehe... n then after finishin... v walk around the beach for a while to wait for d others... they wanted to catch cacing so aftertat v waited for them at the lobby n there was a grand piano n eu wanted to play on it.. n he reali asked to... omg.. he is so daring... n he played... nxt to the beach again... to take some bread crumbs to make the cacing came out... but how uncle tried , it didnt came out... mayb is too hot or smtg.. since it's almost 12 , v had to checked out...
tis is d sanoplast thigy the cure my leg... haiz... so v took everything in the car n went to a baba nyonya heritage at jonker street , v actually didnt want to went in , coz it looks so small frm the outside... but v all said.. since v are here .. so lets go... n their was a tour guide telling us wad is wad n all... n the tour guide voice box is like going to burst or smtg.. i think she talked to much until she doesnt hav voice anymore... haha... n u knw wad...some part of this building... is actually took to film the little nyonya... in chinese " xiao niang re" .. its a very nice singapore show... most of the tourists were like here is the place yue niang falled into the well.. here is the place the ama stayed... n here is wad n there... i could recognize some too... coz i didnt reali watch the whole show , jz some... n their is a place which is so cool , tat the girls last time couldnt have a chance to look hu r their guests... so there was like a small gap to let them see.. its real small.. jz like a line ... n also 1 of the place frm upstairs their is a peep hole , which lead to the guest area... those guests tat they didnt like much, they will pour water frm tat hole dwn to tat person.. evil har... haha... i wish i hav tat... haha... n the whole house doesnt looks small at all.. it was so so so big inisde.. i mean huge... n after the tour v were all hungry... n v went to eat the famous chicken rice ball... the rice ball is actually so round tat it looks exactly like a fish ball... n the chicken was ok la.. i jz tried 1 bite... but how i stil dun like the chicken , but the asam fish was nice... i forgotten to took pic of it... coz v were all so hungry... so my childhood fwens family had to go back to penang after our lunch , so v said bb n all... n head bck to kl... me n my bro slept all d way bck.. but i woke up once v reached kl... i duno y , but its always like tat , once its reachin , i will wake up immediately... but my bro kept sleeping , he is very tired... so later v went to hav our dineer with my aunt n her children... so since v hav to take my bro bck home... v decided to eat somewer near there... n my aunt suggested cone pizza... v ordered 2 cones pizza to share n v ordered our own pasta... of coz i will choose aglio olio pasta... my fav... its also my aunt , n mum's fav.. haha... n aso 2 slices of cake to share too... d chocolate 1 is nice... i love chocolate... haha.. then aftertat fetch kor kor home le lo...
kor kor guinea pig.. forget wad name le... kaka n then went bck aunt's home to watch G-FORCE ... so cute d hamsters... n then went to oi oi le...