bck for blogging... (MY PAST N MY LIFE)

sry for nt updating... bt i m bck now...
evry1 hav a past , i hav a very unsual past , smtg tat makes me rmb evrything so clearly...
y humans oways jze rmb sad things more than hapi stuffs?? most of our brain rmb past tat hurts us , bt memories of happiness is jz like a pinch of salt , so hard to rmb evrything?? frm my past , i learn alot.... i fell down alot of times , but now tis group of fwens , help me stand up , make me a better person , i love them alot ... in tis year , things happens very usually , i duno how or y ?? GOD took my beloved dog away frm me... i miz her still.. evrytime ppl talk about her , i stil put a smile on my face thinking u all wouldnt hurt me.. but everytime APRIL comes into my mind... all the scene of me n her shows clearly in my mind... i try nt to think bt sometimes , i would call BABY as APRIL... tis hows clearly i made baby as April's shadow , i didnt knw y april hav to leave me so early , bt mayb she gav me a better gift , tat is baby... things happend so dwen... is like life has been plan, is like baby is meant for me...
after all tis sadness , there r also happiness... my birthday... its the best bday i ever had... i was quite dissapointed at 1st , bcs evry bluff me tat they wouldnt cum , bt it was actually a surprise party , n more surprisingly , evry of my fwen came , even those hu arent so close , when i saw her, i was shocked , i dint knw she would came, v hav bad n gud memories , bt seems like v couldnt go bck to the past like v were so close like b4... it isnt the same... when i saw her , words cant describe how i feel... it shows tat , v r stil fwens , even after a big war... i m hapi tat she came , bt i didnt knw how to express myself , i m jz very very hapi...jz a simply card she gav , makes me smile so brightly tat day... n also very hapi tat my fwens make a big effort to throw a birthday party which was so amazing... every presents shows how much they loved me... evry presents they gave me has alot of effort inside ... i jz love them sooooo much....
so after all tis happend , bck to sadness... there so much tat i couldnt jz say out , i never express myself... but when all tis sadness happend , i found u , u came into my life... u felt so dwen , u make me hapi , nt jz hapi , u make me changed , u made me learned how to love myself even more ,n love ppl hu love very much... u taught me alot... even tough its hard tat u dun even knw hu i am , bt i will try hard , bcs i will try nt to hurt u... i couldnt bare to hurt u... bt things gets more n more complicated, fwens are jealous , hurt , sad... i jz duno wad to do , i try hard to please every1 , bt i m tired ... i jz want myself to be hapi , bt i jz cant do it ... i wan every1 to be hapi , bt when do tat , i hurt myself even more... i jz duno wad to do , mayb bcs i love them so much , tat i can hurt myself for them... i reali work very very hard , bt things r jz same... i jz duno y , n how?? n u , my beloved , dont even knw wad i m facing rite now , i jz wish he knew , i jz wish u would care for me even more , bt all he ask is jz more time for him , n more love n more words frm me... tats nt wad i wan... i jz wish some1 would knw.... i jz wish u would try to understand me more... i dun blame u... i will try hard...